Where are all the kids and young people in church?
New statistics from the Church of England show that the numbers of children and youth in church is declining faster than adults (20% vs 12%) and a third of all churches have no kids within their congregation.
This broke my heart. As a child, I was raised going to church and remember that myself, and my siblings, usually represented the majority of the kids or youth, but there were always a few other children. It saddens me to contemplate how it has come to the place that over two-thirds of churches have under five children within their congregation.
Jesus says to "let the little children come to me... for the kingdom of God belongs to those such as these" (Matthew 19:14). How is it that our churches do not represent a place where children are extended that invite to come to Jesus? Why are kids and young people not coming to church? This blog explores some potential reasons for the decline, holding a hope that we can be the generation that sees these statistics reversed.
Why is there a decline in children and youth in church?
1. Church is boring
Let's face it, church, for kids (or even adults) with a limited attention span, can be boring at times. Which is strange as being with Jesus never seemed to be boring - in fact, the children wanted to come to Jesus and it was the disciples that tried to say no. How is it that church does not reflect that same excitement sometimes? We have such an exciting message - the promise of life in all it's fullness - yet how is this not translating into the excitement we see around Jesus?
What to do? Perhaps the answer to this isn't to focus on 'not being boring' but more to focus on Jesus and how exciting life is with him. If our children and youth catch a glimpse of Jesus through us (or otherwise) they are sure to be attracted to him. As it says "he must increase, I must decrease."
2. Church isn't on the radar of things to do on Sunday & there are better places to be
There are many places we could all be on a Sunday morning - football, gymnastics, a nice soft-play, shopping or at the park. Why would someone who is under 16 want to come to church when there are many other places to be? For many children and youth - particularly those without parents in church - why would they even consider church a place to go?
Our church youth leader talks a lot about the conversations he has when he goes into schools - many kids have no idea about what happens in church or that they could go along!
What to do? There is something to be said for just letting kids and youth know about church. Letting them know that it's a safe place to come and be. Letting them know that no matter what their home situation, they can come and find a family.
3. No friends in church
Many of us who were raised in church (or even now in church!) can relate to this. It can be very difficult to find friends in church. And if you're in the 68% of churches where there are under 5 other kids - you don't have many options. It amazed me to learn how kids are clustered in a few churches - 44% of all 0-16s that go to church are in 6.4% of the churches. This shows how much children congregate with others, and the importance of having friends. It seems to also show a snowball effect - once you have a certain number of children, a crowd forms and more children/youth/families are attracted.
I suppose we can all relate to this, if we walk into church we'll look around to see if we'll fit in. Research seems to suggest 10% of a population is a critical mass - so what does this mean for your community? That can seem far off when church attendance is at 1.7% of our population in the UK.
What to do? We cannot magic up families or children within our churches, but we can pray for them. We can pray that the Lord moves in our communities and does a miracle as only this will create a movement of God in our generation. We can also as adults in a congregation mirror what a warm and welcoming family should be. If we do not exhibit love for one another in a genuine perceivable way, why would anyone stay, let alone a young person?
The culture of love is not just about welcome either. Often as churches we are excellent at greeting new people who come through our doors. But it is how we continue to love the newer members that really counts. And although talking to a young person or a child might seem daunting, they just need to know that you are interested in them. If this does not come naturally to you then try asking open ended questions e.g. how has your week been? How are you? etc. And then most importantly, actively listen. Then reflect back what's been said with empathy and show that you have heard what they've said. It isn't always easy with teenagers, but they will appreciate that you took the time to ask and listen.
4. Mum and Dad can't/don't take me
My parents have always taken me to church, even when I wasn't so inclined to go. I would not say I was forced, but it was more just part of our family culture - on Sundays, we went to church. I now realise that this is not a common parenting stance. Many parents will work their Sunday schedules around other activities, or simply just not take their children to church when they go.
I have no doubt that these parents love their children dearly however, the subliminal message from this approach is that church is not an activity to be prioritised, nor is it for the family as a whole.
What to do? If you're a parent or caregiver, what messages are you giving your children about church? Forcing church attendance is certainly not the answer, but if you are able, bringing Jesus into your family could help make church a safe, known place for your children. It is important that your children see that your faith is living and active, and has a positive effect on your life, with Jesus being someone who can be known. If they don't see that in you then the good news of the Gospel will hold no relevance for them.
5. Church isn't accessible
I recently sat at the back of church with a friend who has a 3-month old child. Midway through the sermon, Eva (her newborn) started to cry for food and I could see my friend looking around for options of where/how to breastfeed or what to do with her child. How are we making church a safe, welcoming place for babies, children, youth and parents/guardians as a whole?
What to do? Maybe all it takes is a second or third pair of eyes. It could be worth asking a few people within your congregation - at different stages - how they feel about your church setup at the moment. What could you learn or do differently?
Can we help?
We work with churches to help provide accessible, mobile-friendly websites to help your church be found online within your community. If you'd like to discuss updating your church website and helping engage the next generation, do not hesitate to get in touch.
Links
https://umcyoungpeople.org/the-latest/small-church-youth-ministry-critical-mass